a first, and a few more

The first: A bloody nose! Ella was crawling on the kitchen floor and took too wide a stance with her arms, slipped, and did a face plant into the floor. Fierce crying ensued and just a tiny brief stream of blood came out of one nostril. Needless to say, after much cuddling on the couch and a bottle of milk she was just fine.

The "few more" refer to more signs that Ella is using. She has been signing "more" for some time now. Recently she has added the signs for "finished" and "food/eat". Now, her signs, just like a toddler's words, are not exactly formed perfectly. If anyone other than Matt and I saw them they probably would not realize what she was trying to say, just like most parents are the only ones to understand most of their 18 month old's speech.
She makes the sign for food by bringing the back of her hand, instead of her fingers, up to her mouth.
Her "finished" mostly consists of her throwing her hands behind her back. However, once I have seen her start with her hands together before throwing them apart, which is more like what the sign should really be.

I think that we will start working on the signs for book, play, and mommy and daddy.

walking update

I mentioned in an earlier post about a game that we play with Ella. We have her walk from parent to parent, holding on to the backs of her elbows for a bit and then letting her go the rest of the way on her own. She has recently gotten much better at this game. She is doing some things that are making her PT very happy.

She will now initiate walking from a complete stand still. She does not need to be pulled, pushed, or prompted in any other way.

She no longer always falls into the receiving parent. She will now, sometimes, keep walking upright until she hits her shins on your legs and will just lean on your chest or shoulders.

She can go farther and take more steps.

Her balance is better.

So, no truly independent walking for Christmas (I was hoping that would be my present this year), but she is so damn close. Her PT thinks that she could be doing it within the month. She says that Ella still needs to learn how to get herself down more carefully (by bending her knees instead of just falling with straight legs onto her butt). She probably won't want to walk independently without having that skill so that she can stop walking at anytime without falling and hurting herself.

Recommended Reading

One of my dream jobs has always been to write book or movie reviews.

Not something I see happening anytime soon.

On the advice of a friend, I started keeping a book journal a few years ago. Each January I flip to a new page and title it with the year. Then, each time I finish another book, I write down the title and author. Sometimes I also make other notes if, for example I am listing a book that I am rereading, or I have listened to a book on tape. Looking back at the journal gives me a sense of accomplishment. In an average year I read about 20 books.

Since I am probably never going to write a published book review, and because I know that everyone sometimes need suggestions for good books to read I am going to list my 3 favorites from this past year of reading. I hope that you find them usefull.

1. Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
This has to be one of my all time favorites. It is spiritually relevant, deeply moving, and very funny. A woman travels to Italy, India, and Bali on a spiritual quest. Non-fiction

2. Wicked by Gregory Maguire
This one has been popular for awhile, so I am slow to catch on. It is a retelling of the Wizard of Oz from the viewpoint of the Wicked Witch of the West. Rich characters and an engaging plot. Fiction

3. Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer
This one was recently made into a movie directed by Sean Penn, but I haven't seen it. The book is great, though. It is the true story of a young man who wanted to remove himself from the trappings of society and learn how to live off the land. Krakauer is one of my favorite non fiction writers. I have also read his account of the tragedy on Mt. Everest called Into Thin Air and his amazing explination of the world of funamendalist Mormons called Under the Banner of Heaven.

Am I the only one who seems uninformed?

OK, so here is the sickness update.

Matt took Ella to the doctor on Saturday. It turns out that she likely has some form of flu that is going around that is close to a strain that is in this years vaccine. So, she has the virus, but she isn't getting it as bad as she would have if she hadn't gotten the flu shot.

It also turns out that some forms of the flu can cause you to become lactose intolerant. So, we stop giving her milk until the vomiting and diarrhea go away. I must say that it seems to be working. She hasn't vomited since Saturday and she is less snotty (I have known for sometime that dairy products make the body's mucus membranes produce more...well...mucus). She is still coughing quite a bit, however. We are giving her lots of yogurt because the lactose in that is already broken down by the natural bacteria in it. And we have her on the BRATY diet: Banannas Rice Applesauce Toast Yogurt.

Matt was a little taken aback by this lactose intolerance explination at first, but then decided that it made sense, and explained why he was always told to stop drinking milk when he had the flu. I was taken aback as well. When I thought about it, I decided it did make sense. However, I was still amazed that I had never heard of this phenomon before now. Maybe it is because I never drank much milk as a child and never had to worry about quitting it because I was sick. I was baffled to realize that it wasn't something that was in our baby book.

I think this information needs to be added to the minds of parents everywhere, especially because it is so counterintuitive to stop giving milk to a small and growing child. So, if you suspect your kid has the flu and is vomiting, try going without the milk for a day or so and see if it helps. Or call you doctor since I am not qualified to much more than lick a postage stamp.

sickness

Ella has been coughing, vomiting, having mildly loose stools, and not eating very much for over 2 weeks now. This morning, when I was trying to sleep in and let her father live in my world (waking up at 6am, feed baby, etc. etc.) she vomited and Matt decided that it was time to call the doctor. I am sick also (cold AND an upset digestive system) so he is taking her to the doctor by himself (first time he has done this). This should prove to be an interesting weekend.

for more information...

I was going to write some of my observations/memories about Ella's appointment with the developmental specialist but Ella has now decided to take a 20 minute nap and will not fall back to sleep. So, for information please follow the link to Mental Father and read his blog on the subject.

steps and games

One of the things that her PT has told me to try (to get Ella walking) is to have her balance with her back up against some soft furniture, then get her to lunge forward into my arms. This exercise does not work. She thinks it is hysterical every time I try it and will explode in fits of laughter while collapsing to the ground, or bending and twisting around in such a way as to avoid any attempts by me to get her to balance on two feet. While it is amusing to go through this, it isn't very productive in the "learning to walk" department.

Today, Matt and I tried something new. We have found that, if you get Ella walking (holding onto your hand) and then kind of let go while she is headed toward a much desired (and stable) object, she will take a step or two of her own to finish getting there by herself. So, we set ourselves up in the hallway, one parent at each end. One of us had her walking toward the other, who would be sitting on the ground. We would walk her to within a few steps of the other parent and then force her hands to let go and she would take two or three steps to get to the waiting parent. Then, of course, the whole thing repeats with the direction and parents' role switched. We did a couple of rounds of this. Sometimes, like I said, she would take 2 or 3 steps, sometimes she would only get in one. Whenever she collapsed into someones arms, she was ALWAYS laughing and smiling.

By the end of the exercise, she was so hysterical with laughter that she wouldn't even stand up without immediately collapsing her butt back down into Matt's lap. This, of course, devolved into her favorite crawling game that we like to call "Come and Get Me" which consists of her crawling a few feet away from you, sitting down, and waiting for you to come and "get her". "Getting her" means that you crawl toward her very loudly and with purpose. Upon reaching her you must then bury your head into her stomach and tickle her saying "I got you" in a funny voice. Laughter ensues, and the whole process is repeated. The cutest thing is that, when she starts getting really into the laughing, she will only crawl a few inches before sitting down to make you "get her" again. And sometimes she will come to "get" you, which is when I pull her on top of me, lay back on the floor as though she has tackled me, and thrash around saying, "you got me!"

when the parents are away....

So, Ella spent the night at her grandparents on Friday. She took her first independent steps while she was in their kitchen. According to the story relayed to me, she wanted to get to the baby gate that blocks entry into the downstairs bathroom. She had been holding onto my mother's hands and let go of them to take two steps to the gate. Then she held onto the gate and turned around looking for my mother's hands. She then proceeded to hold onto one of my mom's hands and play with the gate with her free hand.

Today, with me, something almost equally amazing happened. She was standing up, playing with a large sheet of stiff, clear plastic. She had been playing with it while it was on top of the coffee table, but it fell off and she moved away from the table (by holding onto one of my hands) to pick it up. Then she got excited, let go of me, and held onto the plastic with both hands. It is very hard to say how long she actually balanced like this. Probably no more than 2 seconds, but that really does seem like a long time when it is happening. The whole time she was looking at me with big, excited eyes. Whether she was excited because she had the plastic, or because she realized what she was doing is unclear. She balanced very well, though. At the end of the time she didn't lose her balance. Instead, she dropped the plastic and reached out for my hand, again. Obviously, much praise was then lavished upon her.

As mentioned in an earlier post, she is walking a lot by only holding onto one hand. However, she has not completely let go of her dependence on wanting two hands sometimes. I think that a lot of this is mental, though. You can tell because she really barely seems to use the support of the hands when she is holding on. She thinks she needs the support more than she actually does.

At the rate she is going, I bet that she will be independently walking by Christmas! What a present that will be.

new moves

Two amazing things today.

She walked up and down the hallway numerous times while only holding on with one hand.

She got up to standing by using the coffee table for the first time.

signing

After about 3 weeks of fairly intense work with the sign for "more", Ella has got it. It looks a lot like a clap, but Matt and I can tell the difference, and that is what really counts. I have been told that she will refine the movement over time to look more like the actual sign.

She still won't use it without prompting, however. For example, if I say, "do you want more, Ella? Show me "more"," she will make the sign. I don't have to make the sign first, though. All she needs is the verbal prompt. So, next we can hope that she will use it to really communicate without any prompting from me.

So, she has made her first big step into the world of communication!

bits and pieces

Ella has her first appointment with a developmental specialist on Dec. 7th. From listening to others who have gone through the same thing, I expect very little to determined by this visit except how many tests she should have and how many other specialists it will be recommended that she see.

I have started to get a little more time to myself, thanks to other members of the family. I am feeling much more sane for it, so thank you all for helping out.

Ella seems very close to walking on her own. She can balance, as long as she isn't acutely aware that you are not touching her. If she realizes that you are not holding on, she smiles and you and lunges forward into your arms. She thinks it is funny when you try and make her balance and she falls over to have you catch her. She can walk pretty well only holding onto one hand, but she won't do it for long walks (up and down the hallway), only for short ones (moving from toy to toy, or from a toy to you). Now, given this information, I have heard of children staying at this phase for months at a time (up to almost 6 months in one case).

Ella still won't get up to standing unless she is on another human being, or does it using the PT bench we have. So, we are now working on strengthening her hip muscles (by having her bend far over from a sitting position) so that she can push up to standing from the floor, instead of always needing a raised surface (my legs, or the bench) and then walking her hands up to something higher to get herself upright.

So, on the physical front, it is now just a focus on getting her to stand up more independently, and walking.

On the language front: she still isn't talking and we have no way of knowing when she will ever get it. I spend a lot of time talking to her face to face, singing songs, etc. We are also working very intensely to get her to use the "more" sign.

It has been theorized that she has a type of learning disorder called dyspraxia. This means that she has problems with motor planning. This explains why she needs to be shown how to do something multiple times before she can do it herself. It may also explain the lack of speech because making her mouth muscles purposefully form a word is also a motor planning task. And, since I can't make her talk to teach her how, all I can do is try to get her to imitate me, which she doesn't seem very interested in doing very often.

I'm tired

I am tired of people telling me that she will catch up in her own time.

I am tired of people telling me that I should be grateful that she isn't walking yet because I don't have to work as hard. (as if! these people have never had to give physical therapy to an infant)

I am tired of people warning me that this behavior or that behavior might mean "something serious might be going on", and that I should talk to her doctor. (although I had one woman tell me once that if something serious were wrong, the doctor would have told me by now: completely untrue!)

I am tired of people telling me that they are sure that everything will be fine. (really, are you psychic?)

I don't need advice, fake envy, or false promises. I need you to realize that I love my daughter and I accept the way she is (now and in the undetermined future), even if you can't.

I admit that I was crazy worried when we realized that she was so far behind. However, I am much more at peace with the situation. I still have worries, but they are much smaller and much less consuming than at the beginning. She is the way she is and there is nothing wrong with that. Even if she ends up diagnosed with some kind of medical condition, she is still perfect the way she is. I will not love her any less than I would if she were "normal".

The things that people say to me seem to speak to a general fear of things outside the norm. These people, by the way, come at me from the line in the supermarket, the other moms at the playground; most of them are complete strangers! You know how people are with babies. "Oh, she is so cute...how old is she?" Then comes the statement of age (now almost 15 months) and they realize that she isn't talking and she isn't walking. That is when "it" starts. I should just lie and say that she is 11 months but big for her age.

oh, how things will change

I just find it amusing, the little changes that occur in Ella's schedule.
For the longest time she was waking at 7am. Then, about 2 weeks ago, she begins waking at 6:30am. Mind you, at 6:30 the sun is not yet up, and this little change caused me great pains at first. It always takes me awhile to adjust to waking up in the dark.

So, the last 2 days she has woken up even earlier, but I have waited to see if she would fall back to sleep. I guess I just have a mental block about getting out of bed earlier than 6am. Plus, I knew that if she woke up that early, her nap would be early, and everything would get screwy. So, yesterday she did fall back to sleep and then slept until 7:30. WOW, I can't tell you how nice that was.

Today, however, is a bit different. She woke up at 5:40 and I was determined not to get up unless she started screaming bloody murder. I listened to her babble to herself off and on for almost an hour before she fell back to sleep. So, now it is 8:30 am and she is still asleep! I woke up at 8 in complete shock that I had slept that late. I don't think I have slept that late since before she was born! I know that she is OK because I can hear her breathing on the monitor if I turn it up really loud, but I was a bit scared for a minute that something was really wrong.

Oh well. Adventures in parenting.

She is awake now, gotta go.

It is official

She is crawling. She is very coordinated about it, if she is still a bit slower than average. I am sure that she will pick up the speed very quickly.

almost, kinda, sorta

She is almost crawling.

She gets herself from sitting down on to her hands and knees. Then she walks her hands forward and, after some thinking, she will scoot one knee up, then the other.

She is by no means coordinated or even very quick about it. It probably took her 2 minutes to move 6 inches. But it is certainly an improvement and a good starting point to work with.

And, she is very proud of herself. She kept looking up at me (she was mostly looking at the laundry basket which was her motivation for moving) and smiling, then sticking her tongue out.

new, current pic

Look at that face!

You must also note the blurry foot. This is because she perpetually kicks her feet when laying on her stomach. Particularly when she is happy or frustrated. Here, she is happy. She loves having her picture taken.

More...more...more

Today she performed her voluntary tummy time 4 more times (moving from a sitting position to laying on her tummy). She did this 2 times on the bed and 2 times on the floor.

In case you are wondering about the significance of the bed vs. floor issue, I will explain. She is more likely to make a large move (rolling over, going from sitting to tummy) on the bed because she knows it is soft and she will not hurt herself.

Tomorrow is PT day. I can't wait to tell her how well things are going.

voluntary tummy time

Today, I was sitting on the couch, talking on the phone with Matt (normally I am sitting on the floor near Ella when she is playing). While we were talking, Ella decided that she wanted the top to her drum which was way out of her reach. She moved herself from a sitting position to laying on her belly on the floor so that she could reach this toy. This is the first time she has done this in months, and the first time she has EVER done it on the floor (the previous time it happened, she was on the bed).

Also, when she did it, she did not cry.

I will say it again: She did not cry.

a new picture

I feel bad for sending people back over a month to find a picture of Ella, so I decided to add another. The problem is that it is not a recent pic. This was taken when she was 11 months old. She is standing on our sofa, facing backwards. She loves this position because she can look out the window, and pet any cats that happen to be sleeping on the back of the couch.

Update on the PT front: She is great at going from sitting to kneeling. She is not crawling yet, but we are at least now able to really work on it because she is tolerant of being on her hands and knees at the same time. She used to hate it, and would push her legs out straight at the first opportunity. She is also really interested in moving around in a crawling fashion because she can explore many things in a short period of time. She is generally much more interested in moving about and I hope to be announcing some big breakthroughs very soon.

relatives

There was a question raised at a family gathering as to who was a second cousin or a third cousin, etc. etc.

Needless to say, my extended family isn't that large so the need to answer these questions has not risen before now.

Answers: To me, my cousin's children are my cousins once removed.
To Ella, my cousin's children are her second cousins.
So: RJ, Kaitlin, Tyler, Hammon and Dylan are my cousins once removed and they are Ella's second cousins.

Hope that clears everything up.

sleep and parental laziness

We travelled to PA to visit relatives on Sunday. Ella had to take a nap in an unfamiliar environment. This usually results in no sleeping and lots of screaming. This time it resulted in a 2 1/2 hour nap. I am thankful and incredibly confused all at the same time.

As a result of all of the visiting, travelling, and other work done this holiday weekend, I have not been doing much PT work with Ella. However, she did spend a lot of time around children who move more than her, so she had a lot of good role models to watch. This also seems to be paying off. Today Ella was VERY energetic. She balanced while standing for time measuring in seconds rather than milliseconds (the latter being most common so far). She moved around a lot, and she even tried to roll over while Matt was getting her into her PJs.

I wonder what the PT will say tomorrow.

the difference between doing and mastering

OK, I have learned a good lesson in the past few weeks. But first, lets take a trip to the past.

At Ella's 9 month appointment: I tell the doc that Ella has rolled over a few times, but isn't doing it regularly. She says, thats ok, as long as we know she can do it. She also says not to worry about the not rolling over since she has mastered sitting and the skill of sitting comes after the skill of rolling over (PT says this is not a good way to look at child development: skipping steps is not good if it is essential and rolling over is essential).

So, you know that she had rolled over a few times (6 times max.) before she started her therapy. Now, she has rolled over an average of 4 times a week for the past 2-3 weeks. Much better than the past, but still not mastery. Her PT says that, in order for her to have mastered a skill, she must be able to do it without help multiple times in one day. Needless to say we are not quite there, but we certainly are a lot closer than we were a few weeks ago.

So, lesson learned: it is great when she does something once, or even a few times. However, I shouldn't get so excited as to think that I no longer have to work on that move with her. There is going to be a bit of space between doing something once and mastering it to the point where I don't have to practice it with her anymore.

Also on the movement front: She has almost mastered going from sitting to kneeling. At her last PT session she pulled up to kneeling by holding on to her toy bin (we put a 10lb. weight in it so it wouldn't tip over) multiple times without any help at all. Since the session she has pulled up on me multiple times and has done it a few more times on the toy bin. However, she gets lazy and will reach for a toy that is close by sometimes, instead of pulling up all the way to reach for a toy that is farther away.

food

Ella is receiving some help, not only from a PT, but also from an OT (occupational therapist). This is because of her tendency, at the time of her evaluation, to vomit when offered foods of varying texture that needed to be chewed.

She no longer seems to have this problem. In fact, she has become quite the adventurous eater.

This past Thursday, the OT came for a visit. She proclaimed that Ella seemed to be doing much better. She was elated at her use of a cup to drink from, and marvelled at her chewing style. She suggested to me that Ella could try eating small cuts of meat, fish, etc. (ie. not pureed).

On Friday, Ella ate small cut up pieces of chicken. Multiple pieces, picked up off the table by her own fingers! And, to top that off, when we went out to dinner with her tonight she ate one piece of broccoli, multiple small scoops of mashed potatoes (normally she doesn't like them), some cheese and spinach mixed together, and a few pieces of chicken off Matt's plate.

I am truely amazed.

misc. news

Lisa gave birth to baby Ben Fersch yesterday morning. Horray and Congratulations!

Why is it that when some of their teeth come in, it hardly affects their mood? Then, other times, they are a holy terror for over a week and are unbearable without a little Tylenol in their systems! I think that you can guess which phase we are experiencing right now.

what a name is in...sounds like

Elephant...ellaphant
Elevator...ellavator
Elemental...ellamental
Element...ellament
Elementary...ellamentary
Elegant...ellagant
Elevate...ellavate
Elevation...ellavation
Candela...candella
Umbrella....uh...this one is fine the way it is
Mortadella (type of sausage)...also ok

not something you see often...if ever

I wish I had my camera with me this morning.

Ella and I went for a walk around the lake and saw a most unusual sight.

A man was walking....um, wrong verb...his dog. At any rate, the dog was walking. The dog's owner was riding a unicycle.

How we love the swings!

This was taken in June.

Ella loves the swings and when we follow one of our usual walking trails, we always pass the swings and she gets excited and coos loudly to get my attention to let me know that she wants to get on.

It is ashame that it is so terribly hot and humid these days. I don't like walking with her in this weather so she has missed out on quite a few chances at the swings.

HOOOORAAAAY!!!

She rolled over from her tummy to her back 2xs this morning!
I knew that the time was coming. She has practically been doing it by herself for almost a week, but she has always needed me to move her arm to get her started.
This morning she did it without me even touching her!

She has also been balancing herself on her knees without having to touch anything to hold her steady. This seems like a small victory too, but she can't actually get herself onto her knees by herself. I have to get her there, but then I can leave her without having to worry that she will fall over. It is so cute to watch her on her knees, playing with a toy and totally oblivious of anything else.

status of delays

We had the big meeting with Ella's "team" from the infants and toddlers early intervention program. It turns out that she is about 50% delayed in gross motor, and about 25% delayed in many other areas including communication, social development, etc. The only place she seems to be right on is in small motor skills.

Interesting issue: The "team" uses a standard testing model to rate her level of performance on all these levels. One big issue that Matt, I, and the team have is that this test, like most tests, has problems. Ella's three big areas of concern (other than the gross motor) at this time are the fact that she doesn't imitate (at least not that much), she does not follow commands (at least not common ones like "give mommy the toy"....she will turn the pages of a book when you ask her, and she will "find" your nose if you ask her to), and she doesn't understand the meaning of "No". Each of these "issues" takes points off in multiple catagories. Meaning that, because she doesn't follow commands she gets points off in communication, cognitive, and social catagories. Somehow this just doesn't seem fair. At the very least, I can be happy that everyone involved in her care is aware of this and realizes that her labels of % delays don't mean much when you understand the finer points.

Also, one type of delay leads to others. Meaning: She does not understand the meaning of "No" because I never have to use it with her. Most parents begin to use "No" when their child can crawl around and get into things that they shouldn't (like pulling the cat's tail, climbing up on somthing you know is unstable, etc.). Since Ella has a big gross motor delay, it stands to reason that I haven't had much opportunity to use "No" and so she hasn't had much opportunity to learn what it means.

The plan: We will meet with the PT every week for about 6 weeks, and then less frequently after that. We will meet with the OT about 4 times over the next 6 months (for help with eating and drinking skills). Finally, we will meet with the special educator once a month for 6 months to work on communication skills. After 6 months the whole plan gets reviewed at another sit down meeting and we figure out what to do from there.

I am feeling very good about this whole thing and I am very glad to have some support and help dealing with her out of the ordinary needs. I am much less stressed out and mental than I was just a few weeks ago.

burnin off some of my brain

OK, today is one of those days where I just feel like crying all the time. I guess that it the stress from all the extra work and goings on lately, coupled with Ella's lack of sleep. I suppose all the goings on are affecting her, too.

Sometimes I just feel like I can't do anything right. I feel like I don't do enough of something (spending quality time with Ella) and to much of something else (watching TV). Then I just feel guilty and horrible and I either downward spiral into crying and depression, or I make all these great plans of what I am going to change (usually this involves a lot of list writing and little actual action on my part).

Perfect example: When I felt myself losing my shit this evening I promised myself that I would spend some time meditating to calm myself down (and hopefully prevent all that depression, etc.). Instead I am writing in my blog.

Does this count as therapy?

gross motor delays

Ella had her evaluation with the physical therapist today.

She (the PT) said that Ella is at about a 5-6 month level in her development. Ella also can do some things that a 10 month old can do, so there are some pretty big gaps. The good news is that she is strong enough to do many of the things she should be doing SO that means it is only a matter of teaching her how to do them. According to the PT, most kids take a while to catch up to where they belong because they have to work on strength AND learning the movements. So (now, Matt heard her say this when I was dealing with a fussy/loud baby and I didn't hear it), supposedly she can "catch up" to where she belongs in 6 weeks or so. That prediction sounds amazing to me and, quite frankly I will be supremely happy if she catches up in twice that amount of time.

I am just happy that we know what we are supposed to do now in terms of exercises and activities to help her. I am also happy to know that no one is worried that she won't catch up or that something more serious is wrong with her. She does have quite a large delay in the gross motor area, but she is already making some progress and we are waiting for even greater things to happen soon.

I will try to keep updating whenever she does something huge like roll over without help (that will probably be the first big one).

hectic, hectic, hectic

Tomorrow is Ella's 1st birthday party and I am so busy cleaning the house and cooking party food! On top of all that, she had the first part of her evaluation (by the early intervention program run by the board of ed) this morning. The rest of her evaluation takes place on Monday.

There is so much stuff going on in my head right now that I can't keep it all straight. I can't wait until Monday afternoon when I can take a nice deep breath and relax.

Wii thoughts

I must say that, for a woman who is pretty put off my most video games, the Wii system is awesome. I am currently very happy spending my "off" time during her naps playing the "Big Brain Academy". It is fun and I feel like it is making me smarter.

Wait...I don't think "smarter" is a word. Shouldn't it be "more smart"....oh well.

And I was an English major in college.

Ella update

OK, after talking to the pediatrician, a good friend who lives in NH, and my husband, I decided to call the county and get an appointment for Ella to be "assessed". What this means is that the county's early intervention program will send out a nurse to evaluate Ella and see if she is lagging behind in some/all areas of development. Then, hopefully, she will give me some exercises to do with Ella to help her get the hang of some things that she can't do yet, and they will follow up to see how she is progressing.

I had been very anxious on this subject but I am feeling much better now. I think that the idea that something could be done but wasn't being done was what was making me feel so upset. I am glad that I have taken this step and I am feeling fairly confident that any issues Ella has will be resolved in time. In other words, I am fairly confident/hopeful that she is simply taking things at her own pace and not that there is anything "wrong" with her (autism, etc.).

I have been taking the advice of my friend in NH, as well as using some of my own common sense. As a result Ella does seem more interested in moving around more and trying new things. She also seems so much more awake and aware.

nurses, doctors, and pharmasists, OH MY!

Today I went to the doctor and he told me that I can have some tests to make sure, but that I am probably, basically, screwed.

Brief background: I have had pelvic pain off and on since I was a teenager. Previously diagnosed with endometriosis but some symptoms don't fit. Endo cannot be definitively diagnosed without a laproscopic surgery, which I did not have. So, now that I have gotten my period back after having Ella, the pain is SO bad and is directly associated with my period only.

Doc says, I don't feel anything in the exam (no cysts on ovaries, etc.) Doc says, get a sonogram to rule out other problems. However, if sono is clear than I either have endometriosis or dysmenorhea (painful periods). I have not thoroughly discussed this with him, but I believe the answer to both issues is "go on the pill forever" (or at least until I hit menopause).

I HATE TAKING MEDICATION!

YAY!

I am going to be an aunt for the second time!

This will be interesting...to see what it is like to have two children who are about 2 years apart in age. I wonder if it will make me want a second child, or if it will have the opposite effect.

I know I can be a bitch sometimes...

but you probably wonder why, so I will tell you.

#1. I can't take my frustrations on my child who, no matter how much I lover her can be very frustrating at times. So, I take them out on you because you are old enough to handle them.

#2. I am going to get bitchy when someone suggests that something is wrong with my child. She has had enough problems without you adding to them, and I worry about her enough already, too.

#3. Don't keep asking me, "Is she doing ______, yet?", or trying to make my child do something that I already told you she can't do. IF she is developmentally delayed (which, again, I worry about enough without you adding to it) then that is MY problem and MY business, not yours.

What I truely want in this world is to have a conversation with another parent without wondering if something is wrong with my child. I want to come over to a friends house without someone acting as though they can "fix" my child. She isn't broken and I love her just the way she is.

mommy's day off

I got her to take two naps yesterday and consequently, she woke up at 5:30 today. Do I really have to trade a one nap day for a day when she wakes up on hour earlier?

So, today is Saturday and I woke up with Ella and spent the three hours before her first nap playing with her, feeding her, etc. Now, at 9am, her father has woken up and will take care of her for a majority of the rest of the day because it is "Mommy's day off"! I plan to attend my Weight Watcher's meeting (even though I haven't actually followed the plan for almost 2 months now), take myself out to lunch, do a little shopping, and go see a movie. I will be gone from the house from 9:30am until about 4pm. I will miss her the whole time, but I will also feel good about getting to do some of the things I love for awhile without having to worry about feeding schedules, etc. PLUS, she gets some quality daddy time which, I admit, doesn't happen much when I am around because I am so used to being the only one taking care of her that I don't automatically think to let him take over when I am home.

Holy crap! I can't believe it! She fell asleep with no fussing or anything! I tend to write the blog while I am waiting for her to fall asleep, or after she is already asleep. She has been completely quiet since I was about halfway done the above paragraph. This is a big improvement over yesterday when it took me over an hour to get her to take a first nap (there was some vomiting and sheet changing involved in yesterday's debaucle). You know, it figures that she would be less stress than normal on a day when Matt is taking care of her. I can hear it now, "I don't know why you seem so stressed a lot of the time, she was a breeze for me today." Humph!

fixers and uppers

Fixers:
ok, for those of you who complained about not being able to leave a comment, I think that I have fixed it so that you don't have to be a member to make one. You have to give me a little room for error since I don't do great with "computer stuff" and this web site is not the easiest I have ever been on.

Uppers:
SHE IS ASLEEP
I have done over a half dozen loads of laundry and countless dishes this week
I went to the gym AND walked around the neighborhood with Ella yesterday
I cooked something new this week and consequently discovered that I don't really like eggplant
We took a walk around Centennial Lake on Wednesday and hugged a tree.

health update

OK, no eye infection. The watery eye issuse was gone by the next morning. I do still wish that she would completely get over this cold. Her nose is runny which gives her the post nasal drip and then makes her cough. Coughing often leads to vomiting, particularly if she has just eaten. She covered herself with her breakfast this morning and had to have a bath.

Also, as you may have already figured out, she isn't sleeping normally. One one out of the past 10 days has she taken more than one nap. So, this morning I decided to get her up at 6 am (her pre sickness wake up time) in hopes that the hour earlier wake up would cause her to take two naps. Well, it is now 15 minutes since I put her down for her first nap and she is still not asleep. Mind you, she was rubbing her eyes frantically and yawning to draw flies from 3 states.

Deep breaths...

trials and tribulations

I took Ella to the doc's last week for a strange fever and vomiting. It was just a passing virus and the visit was essentially pointless except to give me peace of mind (ie. does she have an ear infection, strep throat, or some other illness that she would need medication for?) Now today I notice that she has this big "sleepy" (crust in the corner of her eye) after waking up. She gets another one after her nap. Then I notice one when I am giving her her 3pm bottle. This last one is small but it is green. Then I notice that her right eye (same eye as all the sleepys) is tearing up more than usual. Now it is past time for the doctor's office to close so I can't call and ask for an appointment for tomorrow. I am figuring that the best thing to do would be to wait and see how it is in the morning and if it is still bad then I will call the doc's office when it opens.

Hurray (sarcasm)

Why is my asshole neighbor weedwacking at 7pm? Doesn't he know that at least two women on this cul-de-sac have children under a year old! At least the sun will be down soon and he will either stop, or injure himself (which would probably cause a cease of work also).
Of course, that takes me back to a July 4th a few years ago when our other neighbor had a 5 month old and we were lighting fireworks off (illegally) in my side yard after their child went to bed. At least that woman had the balls (ladies: we need to come up with a gender appropriate equivalent to this one) to tell us that we needed to stop. I, however, am just sitting at my computer complaining but not doing anything about it. At least it isn't actually keeping her awake. Why would it...she only took one nap again today so she is exhausted.

OK, rant over.

no nap...the day goes on

OK, I got the walk in. I feel much better now.

I pushed her on the swing for awhile and just spent a few minutes enjoying watching her laugh. I wish that life could be like that all the time. I feel guilty when I don't enjoy her as much as I can. A life spent complaining (read: in a bad mood) is a wasted life. Why can't I just be happier?

............wait a minute, I better stop complaining and take my own advice.

Tomorrow is a new day. I will make it a better one.

waiting for a nap

God please just let her go to sleep so that I can have a few minutes to myself today!

The brightest part of my day is when Ella smiles or laughs. It is even better when she does those things because of me. However, the part of the day I dread the most is when I have to get her to try and take a nap. For the past week she has been practically refusing to take naps. It is frustrating to listen to her on the monitor crying or babbling to herself when she should be sleeping. When she does sleep, that is when I feel the most like my whole self...not just a mom.

Well, my first post will be a short one because she isn't going to go to sleep, and I have to give up and go get her out of the crib.

I need a walk. They help keep me sane, and sometimes she sleeps in the stroller.